I have always been aware of death as being imminent. There’s just no way around it. There is not a fountain of youth that allows you to extend more of your life sources. That only happens in Disney and Pixar movies.
But you do not really understand and feel death until it happens to you.
I ain’t dead. Who do you think is writing? This ain’t six-sense-gone-blogging crap.
It happened to me because my mother just died. I know, you are sorry for my loss. And, so am I. Yes, I am still grieving and sometimes unable to wrap my head around what happened. She was so young and all of a sudden, she was gone. And I truly miss her. 😦
This experience changed me on how I see things. I became, paranoid at the idea that, anytime is my time. And, I may not have control over it. And, who is next from my pool of loved ones? How will I die? How will my family deal it if I die? Is there hell? Because darn, I am not so sure if I’d go to heaven because my sins are, like, ye’ high.
So I have learned to FULLY accept the fact that, ergo, we are all going to die. And if and when I die, I’d like my casket to be purple. The food should be made by Gordon Ramsay. The music should play my jam. Don’t play any un-happy, depressing music because I am going to hunt all of you if you do not play Ace of Base. Oh, and the gown? One Name only- Monique Lhuiller. I’d rather exit fashionably.
If there is one thing that I could take out from death is that, it reminds us how important family is and how vital it is to constantly communicate and show them how much you love them. It is amazing how it makes you believe in the idea of being grounded as a person and to be constantly connected to the people that values you the most. It is a mixture of pain, anguish and happiness. Pain because you lost someone but happiness because you become a different and better person, altogether.
It also prepares you to accept things you cannot seem to imagine in the past, like grief. Because it pains so much that you recognize that you have got to be this strong to accept this volume of emotions coming into you. And you become stronger. You become, more malleable.
I realized as well, that we, have a very short timeline and what we do during these times, matters. It matters to the people you work with, your loved ones and your friends. You have to make it all worth-while. Because, one day, you will slip in the bathroom floor, hit your head and break your skull. Your physical body will fade but their memories of you, will surely stay.
Also, all those compliments while you’re dead!