Tag Archives: life

Thank You

Today, I admit of committing a crime. The crime of laziness and complacency. I thought I was depressed but no, this is not depression. Depression was an excuse. It is completely unacceptable to miss work and to just laze around doing nothing. I have spent 50% of my time looking into Facebook, trying to see if there is anything I can read as diversion. I keep thinking how un-happy I am with my job and how I wanted to move out.

My husband woke up early for work. He wakes up at 9am and comes home at 11 in the night. But here I am complaining when I come home 5am and I can eat and do anything I want. I can enjoy every privilege life has offered. I am in Canada and not worrying what to eat and where to sleep.

So I decided to list down all things I am thankful for. This way, it would constantly remind me that what I am feeling right now is not valid.

  1. My work pays. It pays for online shopping, rent, new clothes and vacation.
  2. My bosses always appreciate my work and what I do.
  3. I have a husband that is very supportive and who is always happy to see me happy. Tries his best to be the greatest husband by fulfilling my needs.
  4. I have a job that allows me to grow into a better person. I may not create an impact now but I will soon. Plus I have travel privileges which is awesome and not everyone has that.
  5. I am alive and that alone is the reason to live it.

So I stood up and ran on the treadmill, cooked a wonderful meal and wrote this story.

 

 

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Mariah and Her Necklace

I can still remember vividly. I was 3rd Grade and my classmate Mariah, was smiling at me. It was creepy, the kind of smile that  you see from a horror movie.  What she did on that day though, gave me one of the most important lessons in life.

She was not a close seat mate but she definitely did not usually talk to me. Her group of friends were different and more entitled. They had fancy pencils, neatly pleated and ironed out school uniforms (the type that  cuts you with just looking at it) and most of all, they had beautiful bags and accessories. She wore necklace and cute bracelets in 3rd grade.  All the things my parents could not afford to buy for me.

So it was rather unusual that she thought of saying ‘hi’ and talking to me for the first half of the school. I thought, well, she must thought I am cool with my torn erasers, unmatched socks and my short, boyish and un-even hair. So I took the chance and, opened the idea that she and me could be best friends.

And then her necklace got lost after lunch and all hell broke  loose. I remember how she got so frantic that she cried. I helped out with finding it, bending and crawling down and trying to search for that heart shaped necklace, but to no avail. I had go through dust and  look under the desk, which was honestly smeared with snots and gums.

When I finally got up, I saw her just about placing her necklace to my bag to make it look that I took them. When she realized I knew what was happening, she immediately took them back and acted like nothing happened.

Since then, I have been very cautious of choosing friends and keeping my circle as small as possible. I am still the type to believe that every one has an inch of kindness but you rarely find friends that would really stick up to you and would not betray you. While the world is a beautiful place, humans are also prone to weakness and, let just say, “bitchness”.

It makes your life better when you have friends that you can share common grounds with. Friends who do not only need you when something arises or when they need something from you. It is always satisfying to know that your friend would be there to accept you for the monster that you are. It makes your life easier and happier when you are surrounded with people that you can learn and grow with. Friends who will be brutally honest and tell you what is right. Friends who don’t place their necklace on your bag to make it look like you stole them.

So be careful. Do not choose a Mariah.

How My Mother Kept Her Sanity

I was in 3rd Grade when I remembered my mother, sitting beside me looking outside murmuring something to herself, in  scorching heat inside the Tricycle. I was already seeing this on a constant basis. And I thought, back then, she must be going crazy! But then, at a young age, I knew exactly what was happening.

Life was a bit harsh for her. Juggling between 3 kids and a husband, who had a growing problem on alcohol, it was difficult to sustain sanity. But she had to show strength and flexibility to her kids. She had no one to talk to as she filtered us from all the issues we have had as a family, as much as she can. That afternoon, she must have unveiled the curtains and was unconsciously talking to herself.

This memory of her almost losing it is engraved to me, up until now. It was a motivating factor for me to make all types of effort to make her proud. Now, she is as goofy and loving as she has always been. Sane but, all those issues in the past did affect her so much that she had to go through Diabetes, 4 strokes and 2 major operations. But she still survived as all mothers would. It might have broken her body but never her soul.

We all have moments where, at one point, we hated our mothers. However, she had all the opportunities to hate you as a son, a daughter or even as a husband. But she chose to love you. We should all do the same.

Happy Mother’s Day.